I’ve witnessed some terrible things in my life.  Sadly, tonight has probably topped them all.

While i was out drinking with a few friends, we met up with two french guys who happen to be in the same class as simon and my flatmates at uni.  Axel, half way through the night dropped dead in front of me.  No easing into saying that because how can i with something so horribly brutal.  He collapsed and couldnt be resucitated.  No idea why.  It was almost like death came in for a swif half, saw him and thought ‘ahh you, its your turn.’

We went to the hospital were simon had to tell me and chris he hadnt made it, and we then spent the next 10 minutes hugging and crying in the waiting room. 

I cant sleep.  Me and simon were the last 2 people to speak to him and previous to that we’d been joking around with him.  I keep having images flashing in my head of two things.  Him laughing at me and simon messing about, and of him on the floor lifeless, eyes staring straight up while the paramedics try to jump start his heart and his life flatlines.

Dying on the floor of the mill pub at 21 years old with people watching you is not something id wish on anyone.  I ended up in three fights because people wouldnt back off.  One girl actually stepped over Axels legs as the paramedics were pumping his chest.  I kid you not.  When i told her to fuck off and give them room she glared at me like I was the bandit of the show, and told me in no uncertain terms that she was going to see her mate who was standing at the bar.  Another girl was oggling and laughing and actually climbing higher to get a better view.  When she caught me and chris’s gaze and tried to smile at us (not out of concern, but so that we might join her in her little show) we both dragged her down and threw her to the side.  We got asked if he was ok but not out of concern but because it was gossip.  Our answer would be the same ‘yeah, hes fucking fantastic, now piss off!’

Once wed all got chucked out, because clearly he wasnt going to make it, random people who hadnt even been in the pub but saw the 2 ambulances outside, kept asking me and chris what had happened.  We were clearly visably distressed and not just ordinary regulars, but kept asking questions.  One even said ‘is he alright? rumour has it hes dead.’ 

My faith in humanity as a mass has not been restored. 

After about an eternity and then some, he was dragged out of the pub on a stretcher while they were still trying to restart his heart.  I knew to be honest.

I knew when he was lying on his back gazing into space there was nothing there.  I didnt really know him but he was part of our group and enough to spend the night chatting to.  But yet i had to watch him die.

I have the kiss of death.