I’ve been in this poxy room for 2 weeks solid nearly and its safe to say, that I am/have gone crackers. Totally and utterly disintegrated.
I have fled the Kentish shores to follow the boy, all starry eyed and dreamy, to the Shire in Huntingdon to persue….well, i didnt persue anything, but him. Hes been working at the Old Bridge Hotel for 2 weeks now as head pastry chef, and while the money and position is excellent, I still get morose sitting about doing nothing while he’s occupying himself with earning a decent wage. He works 8am to 11pm most days including mandatory stints on fridays and saturdays, which entails leaving me in this matchbox sized room with only the xbox 360 and 2 brats for company.
Ive been job hunting, but similarly with the estate agent, I am having to do their jobs for them because they are to inept to function in the working world. Move over, you clearly dont know what your doing with your sodding job! All communication, as with most of these ‘types’ of things, is totally one sided, and i find myself and the boy getting stressed at the stupid things. Sitting about waiting to hear wether i have an interview, or wether the estate agent approves of our references etc etc.
The fact that i spend 24 hours a day (and a 15 minute trip to sainsburys has become a delight that im allowed ever 5 days or so) and all i have eaten is cheese sandwiches and crisps followed by a steady stream of coke or fanta. Oh, i havent mentioned that this shiting staff accomodation has no fucking kitchen!!!!! The reason equates to the fact that all staff can grab proper meals in the staff lounge at work every day. Thats great, but the boy doesnt seem to realise that a poor diet, coupled with intense monotony and expelling no energy, makes for a rather ratty little me. I pick fights when he comes home just for something exciting to do.
I NEED TO GET OUT, I NEED TO GET OUT, I NEED TO GET OUT….
Im starting to question wether this whole ‘il follow you anywhere’ move was a good idea. Romantic notions are NEVER romantic in real life. In fact, its a total nut ache. I have dellusional ideas that we would start a new life somewhere and our luck would change, but in reality, i think im more stiffled than i was in trashford. Im not in any shape or form ungreatful for what the boy has done for me since being here. He pays for my food….haha …scrap that… my snacks, and petrol and rent (when we move in till i have a job) but it seems as though i should be the greatful one and he doenst have to thank me for anything.
I gave up everything for him, and it wasnt because he asked me to, but its because i love him. I sit here all day with no money to go out, no friends to occupy me, up until today no internet and only his computer games. (some how my tomb raider got lost in translation on the way up here.) If i tidy the shit hole up, he descemates everything wihtout a thank you. Yesterday he needed to do some washing and told me ‘put some whites on when i go back to work.’ When i looked at him in my ‘ever so charmed way that i pull off without any trouble’ he shot back ‘its not like youve got anything better to do.’ Fuck me!! Quickly, you better knock me up so i have something to stay at home with. His excuse for coming home really late, straight away playing Pro Evo then falling asleep is that hes tired. I speak to him for all of an hour a day.
SOMEONE FIND ME A JOB OR I MIGHT KILL SOMEONE!!!
The babies are annoying me too. (god, im a ray of light…in fact that would be novel getting sunshine in this room. maybe its S.A.D or im sad.)
Rocket used to be the dominant one till he had his tail amputated. Then from the moment he came home, Forest took this opportunity to sieze power. He wont leave him alone. Following him about, jumping on him, bumming him, biting his tail etc etc. Rocket wants piece and quiet and to be left alone and Forest wants to irritate and provoke. Sounds familiar. He windes Rocket up so much that they end up fighting. All day long i hear wimpering and ‘fuck off’ chattering from him. Everything is Forests too. If the food goes out, fat boy gets their first, burys it so that Rocket doesnt get any. Hes so much podgier too than mine. Bastard rodent. I had to get stefs bike glove on the other day to seperate them. I saw what Rocket did to a syringe when we tried to give him his medication, im not putting my hands in the cage without protection, when they are tearing chunks out of each other.
In total boredom this past week, i have watched everything on stefs computer. Well, aside from the porn. Thats just a bit weird. Not the porn, i mean watching your bfs wank fodder. God im a lady. Anyway, my point being, that in this odd little collection there is loads of sniper-esq and SAS stuff. I watched Bravo Two Zero and then The One That Got Away which is the other side of the same story from chris ryans perspective. Its interesting to see how McNabb rose tints whats happens and makes himself out to be a hero where as ryan blames him for everything. To be honest, im more inclined to believe ryan as he survived the longest escape and evade in SAS history, why lie?? He already got his medals and like McNabb, would have made a marvellous career without tarnishing McNabbs name. McNabb was the leader of the patrol and it was his responsibility to protect 8 soldiers lives. I think 3, or was it 4? died in the patrol so of course he wants to save his skin. The most interesting bit is when the storm had kicked in and he claimed he tried to pass the message to stop, down the line of soldiers where as ryan claims he never said a word. Interesting? Hmm…. Anyway, ryan is a hard bastard. Ive also been watching his old tv show ‘finding chris ryan.’ Is that what its called? Tracking chris ryan? something like that. Anyway, SAS and SEALS go out and try and hunt him down on fake missions in different climates. The scariest one was the artic circle where the tracker team had sledges and shelter to live in, ryan had nothing except a tent and a bit of gear. Walked the whole thing on foot and with a wind chill factor the temp outside got down to something like -45. MINUS -45!!! If it goes down to 0 everyone in britain complains. Jesus christ. He collapsed in the snow and none of the camera crew etc could find him. He didnt make his rendevous point and ended up getting rescued after about 7 hours. He was suffering hypothermia and after getting treated, then went back out to complete the mission. THE MAN IS HARD AS NAILS!!!
Stef told me in a fight, hed prefer to fight mc.nabb as ryan is just TOO hard. I said bollocks to that, i reckon if you sat down with ryan and chatted hed prefer it, where as nabb strikes me as a total nutcase. But hes not harder!!
This is what my life is. Im playing assassins creed, watching SAS programmes including …haha…ultimate force….which i cannot watch without being reminded of that Extras episode, and watching assassination films like Hitman. If my estate agent ends up dead, dont be suprised to find it was me.
Final note, tues i am moving into my new flat. My very own place. No student hovel, no parental mortgage. Mine mine mine and its SOOOO pretty. 1 bed flat on Hartford marina. The open plan living room has french windows that slide open to a massive wooden balcony which overlooks the entire marina. House boats, fishing the lot. Its gorgeous and so still. Kitchen comes with fridge/freezer and washing machine which is novel for most flats, and a massive built in warddrobe in the bedroom. Yayy!! Im going to make the whole place retro. Just you wait and see.
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